he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize