Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
