Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
