you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
