Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize