Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
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