Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Someone came in the potted fern
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
