Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Randomize
