my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
