Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Randomize