if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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