Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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