I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Another day, another engagement, another cat
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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