I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
