He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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