I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
