They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize