Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
