We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
So many bounce houses so little time
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
