So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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