It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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