Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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