So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
