Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
