She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
