i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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