My liver just broke up with me...
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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