I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
