tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
