I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
