Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
