Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
