Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
