4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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