I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
