I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
