Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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