i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
