babies were throwing up all over the place
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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