you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
