I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
