We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
