I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
