just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
