I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
