Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
