Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
