margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
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