i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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