yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
