Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
