im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Houston, we have a squirter
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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