I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
