Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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