The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
