I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
