I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
