i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
