Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
