I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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