dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
