Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
