Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
