is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
