I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
