Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i dont even know how to be here
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
