I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
