Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
