I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
