I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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