; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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