there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
