im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize