you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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