dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
