i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
