and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
