Already got asked if we're dating
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
