I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
