You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
