He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
