I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
