Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He has the fingertips of a God
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