one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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