Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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