i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
