im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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