I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
