She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
