Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize