wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
