I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Randomize
