Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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