did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
