I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
