my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
foreskin is a definite game changer
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
