You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
