I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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