no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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