Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
