She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
