You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Your penis caused this!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize