i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
