i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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